What's worse than Beatles night on American Idol? Idol Gives Back. We get to sit through an hour of tunes like Fleetwood Mac's "Don't Stop Thinking About Tomorrow" -- sung with passionless unoriginality by Casey "Don't Call Me Buckey" James.
I don't doubt that these songs were once inspiring to many, but now, most of them have been relegated to cheesy political campaigns. Remember this one ...
Speaking of uninspired -- I miss the days when Idol mentors really mentored -- really coached -- the contestants rather than stroke their fragile egos. Cheesy line of the season: "You are that boxer. You are that fighter." Allicia Keys to Lee DeWyze
And when did Lee DeWyze become "brilliant?" Remember this?
Zac Efron -- I mean Tim Urban -- sang a song that could have been straight out of High School Musical 4. I think Zac Efron better watch his back.
Seriously, Aaron? "I Believe I Can Fly?" If you look up cliche in the dictionary, there would be a picture of Kels cheesin' holding this record. And then he butchers it. What did we, the loyal Idol viewing public, ever do to deserve this? Stay tuned for R. Kelly's next hit "I Believe I Can Lie" from his upcoming album Jailhouse Rock.
Seriously judges? "I believe you CAN fly." "This performance was like a plane taking off ..." Seriously? What are we going to do without Simon's realism and frank if not apolitical correctness? He's absolutely right -- this kid is not even radio-worthy. And we all know how little talent you have to have to be on the radio.
Seriously? OMG, ODB, ASP .... just list the whole damn alphabet. What I can't BELIEVE is how big this chick's ego must be to think she can take on not one but TWO dynamic divas in the same song. And the butterflies on the arm -- was that supposed to be an homage to my dear Mariah? How tacky. And THEN she says the meaning of the song is "why she's here." So .... being on American Idol is the equivalent of Exodus? Yeah -- I get that connection.
And is it just me or are Ellen and Kara smoking that Whitney Houston crack? They seem to be falling over each other to give the biggest compliment to the least deserving performance. Reminds me of when Whitney Houston crowned Bobby Brown "the Original King of R&B" at an awards show. It was so ridiculous, people almost missed it.
Was it a requirement this year that contestants had to know how to play an instrument? Isn't their voice their instrument? Isn't this still a singing competition?
My prediction -- it's about that time for Big Mike to go ... He doesn't have Ruben's "velvet teddybear" appeal. He's too good to get a pity vote. He doesn't have great hair or boyish good looks. And 13-year-old girls don't daydream about him. And the people who might have voted for him have stopped watching.
Crystal Bowersox takes it all -- unless she gets sick again. (Check your sugar, girl. And take your medicine.) OR cry at the end of another song... What was that about??
Oh well, amateur hour is over. Time for some serious singing. Madonna is on Glee! Woohoo! Show 'em how it's done Madge!
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