These are my confessions ....

I am soooo sorry y'all! I forgot to include in my list of "don't" -- anyone who has ever worked with Prince, Jimmy Jam or Terry Lewis, LaFace or R. Kelly. That would've taken care of that Chaka Khan debacle.

If you're interested in hearing how that song SHOULD sound (brings back fond memories of middle school), take a listen ...



... maybe she should have done Kanye's "Through the Wire".



I HEART Big Mike's take on India Arie's "Ready for Love"

I think I'm ready for love my darn self ....

The show can basically end now. Mike is the only one of those kids with any talent at all. I've had my Usher fix. I can eat my Honey Smacks and go to bed ...

Daddy's Home

So Usher is the guest mentor for this week's Idol and the theme is R&B. While I admit to getting excited at the mere mention of Atlanta's prodigal son, I have to say I'm a little more than nervous about this year's crap (I mean crop) of talent taking on the institution that is rhythm and blues. Here is the list of songs from which the hopefuls can choose. Let's hope they choose wisely.

Some advice -- no songs from anyone who goes by first name only. No Whitney. No Mariah. No Luther (aka Lootha). No Babyface. No Brandy. No Monica. And sadly -- no Usher.

And then again, they probably shouldn't tackle any groups or duets, so there goes Boyz II Men and any song from the 60s.

And no songs by anyone blind or otherwise disabled, so lets delete Ray Charles, Stevie Wonder and Teddy Pendergrass.

No songs by anyone ever involved in a domestic abuse scandal. Say goodbye to songs by Tina Turner, Chris Brown, Bobby Brown, Rihanna, Al Green and TLC (You don't remember Lisa 'Left Eye' Lopes literally burning down her boyfriend Andre Risen's house?)

That leaves about 8 songs .... Surely they can get at least ONE of them right.

  

Is it Disney Night on Idol?

Paige Gets an Earful from Randy

... Baby You're the Worst.... Baby You're the Worst ...The Worst I Ever Heard









True ... Paige sounded like two cats fighting in a paper bag, but Randy calling her out for being the worst was just cold blooded, dog. Cold. Blooded.

Wake Me Up When They Go-Go

These kids have obviously never danced around their bedrooms with Wham! blasting from the tape deck of their ghettoblaster (aka boombox for the politically correct). This song is synonymous with dance and they took all the jitter out of that jitterbug.

Have they not watched the video??? Did they not see George Michael dancing around the stage in multicolored booty shorts???  This is a song that calls you to channel your inner goofball. Instead, they did a 187 on our joy.

Maybe this can revive the joy a little ...

It's Miley Night! (Be afraid. Very afraid.)

Tonight, Disney ATM and Ryan Seacrest bestie Miley Cyrus mentored the group of Disney ATM and Ryan BFF wannabes. I'm suppressing a giggle. Here's how it went down...

Hey Lee -- Fonzie called. He wants his hair back.

Dude, just cuz you chose a song from the 60s doesn't mean your hair and wardrobe must follow ... (sidenote: uh, what's up with Simon calling Kara "missy"???)

Paige needs a Tyra makeover BADLY! That weave is wickety wickety wack!
"Against All Odds" is such a prophetic choice for Miss Thang. Cuz if she survives tonight it really will be against all odds.
Randy: That was honestly terrible. Honestly. Terrible.
Ellen: I'll start with a positive. You didn't fall down. [wow!]
Kara: whah whah waaah whah waaa whah wah

Miley to Tim: Let me give you a hug. I don't think you're boring at all.
What's worse than a 17-year-old giving you a back-handed compliment -- taking it as a REAL compliment!
Hey Tim -- Zac Efron wants his hair ... and clothes ... and smirk ... hey, wait a minute....

Aerosmith -- finally something from the last decade -- oh wait. That was (counting fingers). I'm old. And this kid Aaron is a baby. Was he even born when this song topped the charts? He's what -- 12?
Liner note: "I Don't Want to Miss a Thing" was originally written for Celine Dion -- MY American Idol.

I love that Cristal Bowersox had Miley sign her guitar, noting it "was one more notch." (shifting uncomfortably as I type this) I guess we know who'll be front row center at Lilith Fair ...
Ellen to Cristal: I was driving down the road the other day and that song came on the radio and I thought of you... (Was it really the "song" Ellen?)
Ok -- someone is going to ask. Might as well be me. Is there any symbolism's to homegirl's "magic carpet?"




TOP: Mike Lynche when he talks ...
BOTTOM: Big Mike when he sings ...

                                                          

Andrew's rendition of MG's "Heard It Through the Great Vine" was sour grapes.


As Simon so aptly put it: He sucked the soul out of that song.

I've got to give Katie props just for singing something current --something the audience can sing along to. Say what you want to Fergie and how she held the "For Sale" sign that made the Black Eyed Peas sell out ... but "Big Girls Don't Cry" has a helluva hook.

However, I'm a big girl ... and Katie's singing made me cry...



Y'all think I could pass for 24 ... with this year's crop of talent. I could soooo audition for Idol ...

I don't trust a man whose hair looks better than mine. But I REALLY don't trust a Billy Ray Cyrus fan. But I have to say Casey took me waaaaay back to the future with his "Power of Love." It really was a relief because for a minute I was afraid he was going to sing Celine Dion's "Power of Love."

Gotta root for Hometeam ... DiDi is from Knoxville (home of the 1982 World's Fair)
Miley was throwing a little hate her way when DiDi said she didn't get nervous. The 17-year-old was like "everybody gets nervous" (insert rolled eyes here)

Apparently (insert rolling eyes here), the judges have never been to Knoxvegas cuz they gave my girl no love.

Simon: There is some irony to you shouting out "you're no good. You're no good. You're no good. You're no good." Ouch!

Sidenote: This is just WRONG

Last but not least ... Siobhan channels Stevie ... and a little Sanjaya. Good thing she's not "superstitious"














My prediction: bottom three will be Andrew, Paige and Tim (although Tim's got that teenthrob thing going on) But Paige is definitely going home. She's sick anyway ... and she needs to her get wig shook. It's time....

And the winner is ....

We'll look back and say "THIS" was the song that put Michael Lynche in the winner's circle.