If Lee and Crystal's awkward entrance at the beginning of the show is any indication of the production quality of the usually flawless star-studded finale -- I'm afraid. Very afraid.
I won't even waste time or space rehashing my disappointment at this season's lack of talent but I will say that I don't know how the judges can sleep at night after flooding Lee and Crystal with praise for such lackluster performances.
At this point, it doesn't matter who wins. The show and its duped viewers lose.
My friend Kim says I have to finish what I started, so I turned -- reluctantly -- to watch the final three (sans Michael Lynche) give six more lackluster performances to see which brand of mediocre America would purchase this year.
But that might be a little harsh. I think Randy put it better when describing Casey James' performance of It's Alright With Me. "Dude, funny thing about those lyrics. That song was just alright with me." Wow. I think William Shakespeare better watch his back with this poet around.
But seriously -- if the judges are not giving standing ovations and wiping tears of joy like proud parents on graduation day at this point in the competition (basically, the end), I think it's time for the producers to rethink their process. And I don't mean writing in some ridiculous Jump the Shark move like the night they saved Big Mike. While I was happy one of the few halfway talented contestants got to stick around an extra week, it unfortunately meant Idol had to stick around an extra week as well. No, I mean they are going to have to decide if they want to truly be a vehicle for discovering the next big pop star and concentrate on finding the best undiscovered talent? Or are they going to merely be a "reality show" with characters and scripted drama (a la Big Mike's baby's birth) that true talent avoids like the plague -- the Gong Show meets America's Next Top Model?
But besides the mind-blowing vocal chops of Kelly and Tamyra, Ruben and K-Lo, Carrie and Elliott, Fantasia and Latoya -- need I go on -- this season was lacking all the originality of previous seasons. Remember David Archuleta's infusion of Sean Kingston's Beautiful Girls into his performance of Ben E. King's Stand By Me? Or Fantasia's tear-jerker Summertime? Or the jaw-dropping and hip gyrating Katharine McPhee getting down and dirty with a drum for Black Horse and a Cherry Tree? I voted for her that night.
What, pray tell, was remotely original about Crystal Bowersox's choice and performance of Melissa Ethridge's Come to My Window. Seriously? That's what you bring to the Final Three? That's like a coach starting his third-string quarterback during the Super Bowl. We want to be wowed Crystal-- it's the least you could do for the people who endured these last 12 weeks.
But the worst of it is these clueless contestants' need to explain their song choices to us each week. As if we bought Lee DeWyze's vague explanation that "he likes to sing songs that mean something to him." So what does Simple Man mean to you Lee? "Because when I play it, I'm really happy playing it."
Here's a crazy idea -- how about choosing songs that you can sing -- and sing really well? How about choosing songs that highlight your vocal strengths rather than flaws.
The judges' performances haven't been any better. Simon, undoubtedly counting every second til he can escaped to his new show, has been in an almost comatose state this season. Kara is annoying at best and the producers' attempt to fill Paula's void fell flatter than Ellen's chest. Speaking of -- I have to TiVo her show every day to remind myself that she really is funny. In fact, she's hilarious. But I guess there are only so many ways to say "It was OK." Just not enough material. Who would've thought Randy "all I can say is dude and dawg" Jackson would be the life of this neverending party?
They may have redeemed themselves a wee bit tonight with their song choices for the final three. Note to producers: when it becomes apparent that the kids are unable to make their own song choices, let somebody else do it. (I would say that this is indicative of a generation that has had all their choices reduced to "click here." and "are you sure you want to navigate from this page?" but that's a whole other discussion, and this soap box is starting to buckle under my weight.)
So as we come to the close of the season (I think Randy's prophetic nod to Lee will prove true), I just have one thing left to say...
The Idol stylists must HATE Siobhan cuz that nest hair, crazy dress and short boots were a hot mess. And can somebody tell me how in the devil you get "Shavon" from S-I-O-B-H-A-N????
Looks like they made it... Look how far they've come my baby...
The fact that they liked Leigh's performance of Still the One makes me smile... He sounded exactly like I sound when I sing that song in the shower. Exactly. Maybe I should go for it and enter Electrolux' Mom Idol. lol
And if you're paying attention... yes, I AM a Shania fan. Yes, I DO have a one or three of her albums.
I wish they could do duets cuz I'd love to hear Crystal and Mike sing From This Moment a la Bryan Adams. Or a la 98 Degrees on Shania's Christmas special 10 years ago.
But Big Mike still made a good choice. And Ellen even compared him to Luther Vandross (R.I.P.) ... and Simon echoed the sentiment. Now personally, I think that's a bit of a stretch but we'll take it.
The judges have to get the banter under control. At 7:30, there were 4 out of 6 performances left. Sucks for unlucky #6. That poor guy (or gal) will barely have time for the voting number to flash across the screen.
I wanna wash Crystal's hair so bad.....I think the backup singers and band are outshining her a little bit. Maybe she should've had them a little further back on the stage. Simon was on point-it really did sound like a coffeehouse performance.
These 'new' Lane Bryant commercials are the opposite of sexy.
Without even watching the rest of this show, I predict either The Wyze or the screamer goes home tomorrow.
I was watching this episode of Chappelle's Show last night when a lightbulb went off .... wouldn't it be cool if Idol had a "Theme Songs from 70s Sitcoms" night?
Big Mike could channel his inner JJ Evans and sing the theme song of Good Times
Crystal Bowersox, who already has a Jan Brady on the Hawaii episode thing going on could strum her guitar and do a hip(pie) version of The Brady Bunch song.
Lee DeWyze could rock out the theme from Happy Days. Go Opie! Go Richie! Get busy!
We'll let Aaron Kelly just hum the tune from Sanford and Son. Dun dundunnun duh duh dunuh dunnunn ...
Casey James -- do I really have to say it, Mr. Kot-ttter?
And Siobhan, aka the Screamer, could belt out Edith Bunker's verses of the All in the Family theme song
What's worse than Beatles night on American Idol? Idol Gives Back. We get to sit through an hour of tunes like Fleetwood Mac's "Don't Stop Thinking About Tomorrow" -- sung with passionless unoriginality by Casey "Don't Call Me Buckey" James.
I don't doubt that these songs were once inspiring to many, but now, most of them have been relegated to cheesy political campaigns. Remember this one ...
Speaking of uninspired -- I miss the days when Idol mentors really mentored -- really coached -- the contestants rather than stroke their fragile egos. Cheesy line of the season: "You are that boxer. You are that fighter." Allicia Keys to Lee DeWyze
And when did Lee DeWyze become "brilliant?" Remember this?
Zac Efron -- I mean Tim Urban -- sang a song that could have been straight out of High School Musical 4. I think Zac Efron better watch his back.
Seriously, Aaron? "I Believe I Can Fly?" If you look up cliche in the dictionary, there would be a picture of Kels cheesin' holding this record. And then he butchers it. What did we, the loyal Idol viewing public, ever do to deserve this? Stay tuned for R. Kelly's next hit "I Believe I Can Lie" from his upcoming album Jailhouse Rock.
Seriously judges? "I believe you CAN fly." "This performance was like a plane taking off ..." Seriously? What are we going to do without Simon's realism and frank if not apolitical correctness? He's absolutely right -- this kid is not even radio-worthy. And we all know how little talent you have to have to be on the radio.
Seriously? OMG, ODB, ASP .... just list the whole damn alphabet. What I can't BELIEVE is how big this chick's ego must be to think she can take on not one but TWO dynamic divas in the same song. And the butterflies on the arm -- was that supposed to be an homage to my dear Mariah? How tacky. And THEN she says the meaning of the song is "why she's here." So .... being on American Idol is the equivalent of Exodus? Yeah -- I get that connection.
And is it just me or are Ellen and Kara smoking that Whitney Houston crack? They seem to be falling over each other to give the biggest compliment to the least deserving performance. Reminds me of when Whitney Houston crowned Bobby Brown "the Original King of R&B" at an awards show. It was so ridiculous, people almost missed it.
Was it a requirement this year that contestants had to know how to play an instrument? Isn't their voice their instrument? Isn't this still a singing competition?
My prediction -- it's about that time for Big Mike to go ... He doesn't have Ruben's "velvet teddybear" appeal. He's too good to get a pity vote. He doesn't have great hair or boyish good looks. And 13-year-old girls don't daydream about him. And the people who might have voted for him have stopped watching.
Crystal Bowersox takes it all -- unless she gets sick again. (Check your sugar, girl. And take your medicine.) OR cry at the end of another song... What was that about??
Oh well, amateur hour is over. Time for some serious singing. Madonna is on Glee! Woohoo! Show 'em how it's done Madge!
