An Idol Mind ...

This week Idol traveled to the Heartland – uncharted territory for the show – and pitched its tent in Nebraska, that bastion of musical talent. Did you know that Julie Wilson, Paul Williams, Randy Williams and Randy Meisner are all Nebraska natives? I have one more question for you: who the heck are they??? They said 10,000 people showed up for the Nebraska auditions. Dudes, that’s half the state! OK, I’m exaggerating. But c’mon! Omaha?
Well, the Idol gods obviously know what they’re doing. They gave us Taylor Hicks, didn’t they?

So the first contestant was Chris Burnhhhhhhhsle-something-or other. Chris is the man. He came bearing gifts and questionable (uh-hmm stalker) photos of Kelly Clarkson. And boy were the judges impressed. Sure, they berated his singing and crushed his dreams of becoming an American Idol, BUT they applauded his ass-kissing efforts and rewarded him with sort-of a gig. Like, maybe, if he gets in touch with Omaha’s Fox affiliate (he won’t) and maybe if they don’t have him arrested for trespassing, then maybe he can drop Simon’s name and like maybe host the affiliate's broadcast of the Idol Finale. Wait. Does that job even exist? Oh Chris. Burn.

But the one thing Chris had going for him was Paula’s absence. She missed her (wink) plane again and showed up late for judging. Paula has a history of absenteeism. But then, is Paula ever really “there?”

In fact, let me pause for this PSA – Paula Service Announcement.
Crack is whack, girl. Crack is whack.
-- Brought to you by Houston Management Co.
Annnnywaaaay. In an exciting turn of events –Ryan poked his head in midway through the show to inquire as to why the lady wrestler wasn’t given a golden ticket. You'll never guess what happened then! Simon challenged him to sit in for Paula as a judge! OMG (exclamation point). I didn’t see that coming at all! Oh wait. Yes, I did. It was on the previews for this week’s show. This was just one example of the tameness (read lameness) of tonight's show.

When Chris Burnhhhhhhhsle-something-or other walked in the Judging Chamber TM, I thought, ‘now there is infectious enthusiasm.’ Enthusiastic it was. Infectious. Not so much. Even the glitter-clad dude who sang “Shout” – didn’t.
No trash-talking Simon on their way out the door. No tone-death duets. Just blah ... blah blah... blah blah.

But I have faith in the tasteless entertainment that is the Idol auditions. Not even Omaha-you're killing me with all the friggin corn-Nebraska can get me down.

Especially since there's a new episode tomorrow.

Until then I'll just entertain you with some musically inspired Nebraska fun facts.

• In 1927, Edwin E. Perkins of Hastings invented the powered soft drink Kool-Aid. Musical connection: Bowling for Soup penned a song called "Kool-aid."
• Nebraska is the birthplace of the Reuben sandwich. REUBEN Studdard was the winner of Idol Season 2.
• The 911 system of emergency communications, now used nationwide, was developed and first used in Lincoln, Nebraska. The iconic rap group Public Enemy tells us that "911 is a joke."
• Origin of Nebraska's Name: From an Oto Indian word meaning flat water. Jeff OTTO is a big fan of American Idol.

OK, that's all I got.

Caruthers. OUT.

*Editors Note: Last week, I insinuated that the great state of South Carolina was still fighting the Civil War because they refused to take down the confederate flag from the capitol. Well, I was wrong. Technically, the confederate flag flies on the grounds of the Statehouse - having been removed from the Dome on July 4th 2000.