The only thing that would have made this boxing-homage more ridiculous is a guest appearance by the original K.I.N.G. - Don, that is.
So (and I apologize for playing into this theme) for Round One, the songs were chosen by none other than the career-maker himself, Clive Davis.
Note to Clive: How’s that Whitney comeback going?
David Cook sang U2’s “Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For.” This is one of those songs that takes you back to Jordache jeans, Baby Jessica and Fatal Attraction. You can almost follow along with your own mini timeline.
But DC’s version needed its own subtitles --- I couldn't understand a word he was saying!
Young Cook, rocker he is. Bono, he is not.
Randy: copy cat. copy cat. Yo mama is a dirty rat. [were me and my friends the only ones who said that?] So now "Randy" is calling David Cook "DC."
Paula: We found David Cook. Whewwwww!
Simon: You looked very tense and very emotional but taking all that, I thought it was phenomenal.
Lil’ D: [silently praying: Don’t mess this up. Don’t mess this up.] This is one of my all time favorite songs – especially the cover duet by Elton John and my white baby daddy George Michael. And at times, the ambitious Archuleta seemed like he was singing a duet – by himself. Way to sing both parts Lil D. Is it possible? Could the baby-faced balladeer be channeling his inner Georgelton?
Randy: That was flawless and unbelievably molten hot. Crazy! [Repeat about 7 times]
Paula: I’ve got chills.
Simon: It’s very easy to get over excited tonight. I thought last week was OK. I thought tonight’s performance was arguably the best you’ve done so far. Taking everything into account, round one goes to Archuleta.
Round Two: America’s Choice. The guys sing songs submitted by songwriters from around the country. The top 10 were presented and the Davids could choose their favorite to sing.
David Cook sang a song called “Dream Big.” This is by far the most important song selection because these are unknown songs, and these guys can truly (as they say in the biz) make them their own. If I closed my eyes, I would have thought I was listening to an awards show performance or a video on VH1or a cosmetics commercial or one of those cheesy teasers for The Hills. My point is that this song was believable. It was hip and current. I could not have disagreed more with the judges. Does the “winning song” have to be dripping with sweetness and sap to be considered finale worthy?
Randy: not the best song, but your vocals were great
Simon: lightweight. This is supposed to be a winning song and that didn’t sound like a winner.
Paula [my favorite comment of the night]: But it wasn’t the winning song. Was it?
Lil D sang “In This Moment” which this lowly viewer thought was better suited for the ‘songs from the Olympics’ compilation CD than the American Idol finale.
Randy: song sucked but I still have a man crush on you and you can do no wrong [I’m paraphrasing]
Simon: You chose the better song. [I disagree] Round Two goes to Lil D.
I guess my answer to the sugar and sap question is a resounding yes. That song was so syrupy, it made my teeth hurt.
Round Three: contestants’ choice
Cookie (since Randy took my nickname) chose Collective Soul’s “The World I Know.” By default, he’s my favorite, but I have to offer this bit of criticism. Dave – this could be the very last song you sing for America (besides the shameless Idol tour you’ll be forced to participate in); I wanted to see you push yourself. Step outside your rockbox. Your most memorable performances were the ones where you put the DC spin on a non-rock classic. There was nothing to “spin” here. It was like Hillary’s win in West Virginia – nothing unexpected happened.
Randy: That was a very nice sensitive side
Paula: I know my anonymous readers want me to include her comments, but dude – she’s a Vicodin away from being a vegetable.
Simon: You are one of the nicest, most sincere contestants we’ve had. This was completely the wrong song choice; you should have sung “Billie Jean” (Michael Jackson) or “Hello” (Lionel Richie). [Exactly Simon! Exactly!]
But how about Cookie’s dig at Lil D – somebody’s been watching CNN J “Tonight isn’t about the past, so why do something I’ve already done.” SLAAAAM. In yo face Utah boy.
OK, we all know Utah boy is going to win by a TKO, but Cookie got in a good right hook.
So Lil D chose “Imagine.” Yes, when this little boy sings this song, it makes grown women start looking up the “age of consent” for their home state… But he could’ve given us something else. I would’ve loved to have heard him sing something more contemporary – not Chris Brown, but maybe John Mayer or some blue-eyed soul like Robin Thicke. Or John Legend.
Randy: You are exactly what this show is about. I think Randy is looking up the age…. Just kidding. Just kidding!
Paula: You were stunning tonight.
Simon: At the end of the day, this show is about finding a star, and tonight this is the best finals we’ve had. You came out here to win, but what we’ve witnessed is a knock out. [what I tell ya?]
The most satisfying part of the show was seeing Ruben Studdard get about 15 more minutes of fame. They owe him that.
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